Archives For July 2015

Safety Dance

stephencarter  —  July 31, 2015 — Leave a comment

“Safety Dance”
‘The truth is I don’t trust people with my heart, my life, or my future.’ This, in so many words, sums up what we might be saying to ourselves or offering to others. Our reason to do this is to get ahead, to keep from getting hurt, disappointed, or even being known. We build simple or elaborate masks, personalities, or a facade to keep us safe. 
The Dance might have many different “moves” or just one. We dance because we are designed to be emotionally close to people, but we all have been hurt, so we move in and around people in a social exchange. At some point in our life, our currency, our true selves, was not enough or accepted…more was needed or required. Masks and protective personalities are adopted to achieve the desired goal…
This is a short list of how we might gain success, by choosing a “dance”, a strategy, of being somebody different. Do you recognize any of these: THE HERO, THE PLEASER, THE CRITIC, THE HARDWORKER, THE DOORMAT, THE PERFECTIONIST, THE OVER-ACHIEVER, THE WALL…”I’M OK”, (in) CONTROL, or INVISIBLE. These “DANCES” create space, separation, and protection from being harmed, criticized, and being known. Because of these disguises, we reach a certain level of success. Declaring, “It worked!” Often there is a turning point where the disguise doesn’t work or that it will plateau. The change happens when our adopted self is working against who we really are. We are now rowing against the tide, the ocean, of our true self. It is exhausting working against something as big as the ocean, so we just settle for something less than being authentic. We were not created like a salmon, sleek, slippery, and strong. They are made to move against the strongest flows of water. They were made to swim in the ocean, follow the currents, and jump over water falls. 
Authenticity- Who are you?
Are you swimming in the ocean, against the current? What will be your next move?
No…”I’m OK” or do You want something different? Something More?